“Outside of that Mrs. Lincoln, how was my play at Ford’s Theater?”

Too often we just plain don’t listen. We hear but we don’t listen Wives call it selective hearing. We hear what we want to; and it not limited to one sex or the other. I tried to buy a used car with a credit card (at one time you could). The cost of the car was to be finance entirely by the credit card and payments were to be paid as on any card until the cost was taken care of. That was my proposal. “No problem,” said she. The saleslady goes back to her boss and comes back with a figure $300.00 over the limit of my card. “You don’t understand. “ I said, “the card should cover all the costs or we can’t do business.

She was a new salesperson, it was the end of the month, in particular it was February, and snowing, an ideal purchase time. What more could anyone want. She wanted to make good and I needed a car. I didn’t have the best credit rating, but I did have a new credit card with a zero balance. She came back with another figure. When we tossed in the sales tax, title transfer, temporary tags, prep charges, destination charges, etc. etc. it still was over my card limit. We weren’t in accord; in fact, we weren’t even speaking the same language—credit limit.

Now the closer showed up, “what’s a matter.” I explain “our” predicament. All the costs have to be at or below the card’s limit or we can’t deal. Remember, February, end of the month, snowing and he gets a commission too. “Let’s see what I can do.” We go to his office I see a flurry of activity over a calculator (I think they called them comptometers back then). There was head shaking, more activity, more calculations, more activity and then silence followed by a loud “Alright!”

Everything fell into place, the cost of the car, the state sales tax, the title transfer, the temporary tag, all preparation charges, destination charges, etc. and more importantly for the closer, a commission. The figure was mysteriously exactly at my credit limit. The new salesperson, I figure didn’t do as well, as her face fell when she saw the final figures. But a sale was credited to her, and she kept her job and went on to hopefully do better the next month.

When everyone listened, everything worked out. But the scenario would have been similar (our inability to do business) if she had been stubborn, thoughtless or uncaring. In the hypothetical conversation of our title, the play’s author cares little of the evening’s tragedy, the loss of a national hero, or of a nation about to go into months of morning; he only wants to know of the audience’s reaction to his play. Although hypothetical I’m sure we find a similar situation in our own children who insist that they have to have some object despite a mother’s inability to give it to them. It may be called the “I want it now!” syndrome.

The situation plays out equally as well with husband and wife. “I need….” “But we can’t afford….” Neither hears the other, cares about the other, or is willing to negotiate with the other. This could result in bitterness, lack of cooperation with the other party and maybe even a pending divorce. For any arrangement to work well there needs to be understanding of the other party’s want and needs, respect for each other’s position and feelings.

K