Today's Crises is....

Parents of Adult Children. That is the name I would call it if I were starting a support group. It would consist of parents, who had children over the age of eighteen, who were running into problems with their kids. “Do I give them money to ease them over the tough times or do I let them slug it out by themselves?” “Do I give them advise about their “significant other” problems or do I stay out of it?” “Would advice on a career choice be wise?” Would the advice be heeded (I know the money would be readily accepted) or would I be considered a meddling parent? My grandfather used to say, “Don’t say anything and you would have given a reply as well—or no response is also an action.” It may lose something in the translation from German, but that is what he’d say. It seems to make sense to me now more than ever.

I dread receiving phone calls from the kid—my cell phone has a special ring tone for him alone. I don’t relish speaking with him; too much melodrama. It’s always, “I need”, or “Dad, I have to have….” I guess I inaugurated the 24/7 K. Bank & Trust. “You can bank on getting the money from Dad and he’ll trust you to return it.” LOL!

The support group I’m suggesting would help these parents find ways of dealing with their guilt. This is the guilt of not being at home during those “formative years” the missed baseball games, school concerts, the baseball/football father/son toss etc. Now we try to make up for it in our own way. Our monthly meetings would suggest ways in which we could feel better about the situation, to make it more meaningful, to make it a win—win situation. After all at one time we had the book by Dr. Spock, Baby and Child Care on the shelf and could thumb through it as needed. Then again, people thought Dr. Spock screwed up too. I envy parents whose adult children are always doing well, receive promotion after promotion and have happy marriages. Then again I’m only hearing only one side of the issue and that may be their defense mechanism—shade the truth.

K.