“50% of divorces will occur within the first 4 yrs. of marriage.” Michele Weiner-Davis, author

We live in a throwaway society. If you don’t think so, when was the last time a TV repairman came to fix your set. When was the last time that anyone in your family took an appliance in to be repaired? How about a vacuum cleaner, electric mixer, lawn edger, lawn mower, washer or drier, refrigerator? I would guess with a good degree of accuracy, never. Of course, the manufactures love it. The stores love it. The Maytag repairman is unemployed because there is nothing to fix. Do you even know the location of an appliance repair or parts store? My wife has even told me that the next time our Chrysler made Plymouth transmission goes, we going to get a new car. But it paid for, honey.

It’s a sign of the times. If it doesn’t work, get a new one. I’m afraid it’s the same attitude that has permeated into marriage as well. The marriage is not working; it cannot be saved. Imagine if getting a new mate was on the same level as getting a new car.

“I’m going to get involved in a new one. Let’s see, I’ll get a totally new model as well.”

Do you want one younger or older? With or without dimples? Taller or shorter? Thinner or athletic build? Cute or average? Long hair vs. short hair. Blond, brunette, red head or strawberry blond? PhD., masters, undergrad degree or no degree at all? Culinary artist or burns toast? How about a little sports model that always likes her top down?

“So many choices, I don’t know. Can I take it for a test spin? We can live together for a while, if it works out then we’ll get married. You don’t buy a pair of shoes without trying them on first.”

There are no guarantees in marriage you know. You can’t come back and ask for a refund. The thing is to make it work. Ok, so you don’t like this or that about them, but you did at one time. That is what attracted you together in the first place. Was it that smile, that laugh? Was it that free spirit, the impromptu quality they had? Were they planners down to the nth degree, no stone unturned? Was it the very thing that brought you together in the first place that is now driving you apart? Go for counseling and fix it. Neither marriages nor people are disposable.

Leonard Pitts Jr. of Knight Ridder Newspapers tells this story: “Larry's been married a few times, had several other long-term relationships. The final tally: seven children by five mothers. As he surveyed his years of going from this woman to that, searching for perfect bliss, the 47-year-old businessman came to a conclusion: ‘I should have stayed with that first girl and just struggled on through with her. I would've been just as happy in that first relationship.’ ”.

K.