“Could we live it all over again, were it worth the pain!” Roses & Rue by Oscar Wilde

What would you do differently if you could do it over again? Would you have finished your education and gotten that degree or advanced certification needed for your field of employment? Would you have married that person you were so passionate about when you were younger and you thought you could not live without? Or by contrast are you sorry you did marry the person you wound up with? Would you have taken that trip— either vacation, new job or gone away to school? Would have spent that money and bought that item you thought was a bargain or are you sorry you didn't save the money for when you really need it?

Like it or not we are a species of second guessers. We sit back and think what if. What if I had…and then our mind trails off into that trance that looks like we're a million miles away. We really not totally satisfied with our present lot and wish we had done things differently. I my own life I think back, what if we had tried once more for that little daughter that my wife and I had so much talked about. Her name would have been Rebecca Anne. She would be about twenty-three by now, finished with college and starting an exciting, on the cutting edge of technology, career. Or she could have been a jobless, single, unwed mother with three kids always dropping them off at our door trying to chase another dead-end romance. Or fate would have it that we would have had another son.

Come to think of I'm glad things turn out the way they did. I married a wonderful woman who puts up with my eccentricities and peculiarities. We have had a simple but caring life. It certainly wasn't boring or uneventful. I've got to remember that God puts events into our lives to strengthen us and not demoralize or tear us down.

K.

The greatest epitaph: ''Here lies Jack Williams. He done his damnedest.'' Harry S. Truman 1884-1972, thirty-third President

If you have ever seen an older cemetery during Easter or Memorial Day you’ll know what I mean. There are little if any decorations on the graves. There is no color from flowers or religious symbols as the people that would have placed these decorations are themselves dead. The eternal residents of our cemetery are totally forgotten and unknown. They are cast aside. “Known only but to God,” the epitaph should read; to God and the Records Department of that cemetery which has the holdings to those plot of ground. These are the remains of the grandparents, great-grandparents, great-aunts and uncles of several generations ago.

The cemetery grounds are just as hallowed today as they were one hundred or more years ago; just as sacred as that time when dignitaries and clergy spoke those endearing, visionary words. But now they lie within the boundaries of the inner city where at one time they resided in the suburbs. The people frequenting these cemeteries are kids looking for mischief and trouble rather than searching for the graves of loved ones. The remembrances they leave behind are turned over tombstones and other damage rather than floral pieces.

Cemeteries are the last resting place; a place of interred dreams and thoughts of eternal life in the religious sense. They are not playgrounds however children should not shun them. They should be a place where we can reintroduce our children and children’s children to their heritage. It is a place where photo albums and other pictorial media can be shown to bring flesh and blood and memories back into our minds and hearts. “The memory of most [dead] is an abandoned cemetery where lie, unsung and unhonored, [those] whom they have ceased to cherish.” Marguerite Yourcenar 1903-1987, French novelist

K.

“If a politician isn’t doing it to his wife, then he’s doing it to his country.” Amy Grant, singer/song writer

Should politics and the public media mix? In particular, Barack Obama has become the pet project of Oprah Winfrey. Now Oprah has enough clout and loyal public following that she can just about do anything she wants. She is quite a public entity in her own right and command quite a bit of respect. If Barack Obama is buying time on her show (and I don't mean the one dollar payment to show that he actually paid money) that is one thing, but if she is offering this totally free that is another. If he is paying money, that particular show on which he appears should be labeled as a "Paid Political Announcement."

A public forum show is just that, an unbiased place where politicians can speak without debate to a friendly, receptive audience. If Oprah makes Barack Obama the only politician who speaks on her show, she has defeated the free speech movement. Yes, she can have any guest she chooses, but can her show become the exclusive forum for a single candidate?

Yes, other celebrities have endorsed candidates. Some such as Barbara Streisand have personally contributed the maximum amount, $2300.00 to each of the democratic candidates. But Oprah is more than several celebrities combined. Her show is almost an institution in itself, and as such should take this responsibility seriously.

K.

“50% of divorces will occur within the first 4 yrs. of marriage.” Michele Weiner-Davis, author

We live in a throwaway society. If you don’t think so, when was the last time a TV repairman came to fix your set. When was the last time that anyone in your family took an appliance in to be repaired? How about a vacuum cleaner, electric mixer, lawn edger, lawn mower, washer or drier, refrigerator? I would guess with a good degree of accuracy, never. Of course, the manufactures love it. The stores love it. The Maytag repairman is unemployed because there is nothing to fix. Do you even know the location of an appliance repair or parts store? My wife has even told me that the next time our Chrysler made Plymouth transmission goes, we going to get a new car. But it paid for, honey.

It’s a sign of the times. If it doesn’t work, get a new one. I’m afraid it’s the same attitude that has permeated into marriage as well. The marriage is not working; it cannot be saved. Imagine if getting a new mate was on the same level as getting a new car.

“I’m going to get involved in a new one. Let’s see, I’ll get a totally new model as well.”

Do you want one younger or older? With or without dimples? Taller or shorter? Thinner or athletic build? Cute or average? Long hair vs. short hair. Blond, brunette, red head or strawberry blond? PhD., masters, undergrad degree or no degree at all? Culinary artist or burns toast? How about a little sports model that always likes her top down?

“So many choices, I don’t know. Can I take it for a test spin? We can live together for a while, if it works out then we’ll get married. You don’t buy a pair of shoes without trying them on first.”

There are no guarantees in marriage you know. You can’t come back and ask for a refund. The thing is to make it work. Ok, so you don’t like this or that about them, but you did at one time. That is what attracted you together in the first place. Was it that smile, that laugh? Was it that free spirit, the impromptu quality they had? Were they planners down to the nth degree, no stone unturned? Was it the very thing that brought you together in the first place that is now driving you apart? Go for counseling and fix it. Neither marriages nor people are disposable.

Leonard Pitts Jr. of Knight Ridder Newspapers tells this story: “Larry's been married a few times, had several other long-term relationships. The final tally: seven children by five mothers. As he surveyed his years of going from this woman to that, searching for perfect bliss, the 47-year-old businessman came to a conclusion: ‘I should have stayed with that first girl and just struggled on through with her. I would've been just as happy in that first relationship.’ ”.

K.

"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." Douglas Adams

"Procrastinate" on the face of it is not a threatening word but it shares the same meanings as: put off, delay, postpone, drag your feet, adjourn, dally and dawdle. Now that is not a positive group of words, yet most of us are guilty of this everyday. The Post Office has a special team of clerks that except IRS tax return at 11:45 every April 14th until midnight when they cannot any longer be postmarked before the deadline.

We leaned to procrastinate form the earliest days at school when a paper or report was due Friday and we beg our teachers for additional time. "OK" they would say "but I'll have to reduce the grade you receive by a whole letter." We were willing to take the risk only to be stumbling along again on Sunday night trying to come up with something to present.

Some like the excitement of procrastination because they feel they do their best work under the pressure. "A perfect method for adding drama to life is to wait until the deadline looms large." said Alyce P. Cornyn-Selby. While Joseph Ferrari had this observation, "Telling someone who procrastinates to buy a weekly planner is like telling someone with chronic depression to just cheer up." Robert Collier, American writer and publisher was the most helpful with this hint, "If you procrastinate when faced with a big difficult problem... break the problem into parts, and handle one part at a time."

K.

“The right man, in the right place, at the right time, can steal millions.” Gregory Nunn 1955- Amer. golfer

Well it's happening all over the county. In my Ohio hometown copper prices were as high as $3.00 per pound for used copper. Thieves have broken into repossessed or foreclosed houses and have stolen exposed copper plumbing from the basement rafters. In one case, friends of ours had recently purchased their home only to discover the next day that vandals had kicked in the side door, and stole the copper tubing used for plumbing. This act caused $1900.00 dollars in damages that had to be repaired. Luckily they were insured. In another local instance, copper downspouts and gutters have even been stolen from churches.

On the other side of the country In Portland, Oregon thieves had broken into a railroad repair facility were the last of two old Alco diesel locomotives were being refurbished and stole $35,000.00 worth of traction motor cables setting the whole project back weeks as well as crippling financial resources that had donated.

In many cases, the shop that buys this copper asks no questions, requires any identification or records the seller names. It is open season. Catch were you catch can. In poorer neighborhoods were a police force is stretched thin and everyone tends to mind their own business, crooks and steel without being confronted. New neighborhoods are not exempt as vandals rob constructions sites and carry away unlocked supplies.

What can we do?

Contact your local government; demanding new laws requiring salvage yard owners to record transactions of used copper as well as inspecting and recording the identification of the seller

Install surveillance cameras to capture images of people with the scrap metal they are selling, requiring scrap metal dealers to hold copper and aluminum for a period of time before touching it.

Eliminate cash payments altogether in favor of checks (which, although costlier, might deter criminals).

Encourage neighborhood watch groups to report suspicious activity.

K.

“I know what I like & I like what I know.” Genesis from the Album: Selling England By The Pound

I guess Genesis was the first that said it but it is true for many if not most of us. We do that same thing over and over again. We are predictable. Our actions are ingrained into us like a genetic code (there may be more true than fiction in that statement). Assassins have used predictability against their intended victims again and again. We are creatures of habit.

We also choose the same circumstances repeatedly because we like the conditions in which we find ourselves. Case in point: Tommy Manville (1894 – 1967), a Manhattan socialite and heir to the Johns-Manville asbestos fortune. He married 13 times (to 11 different women). Was he looking for love in all the wrong places or were all the women of similar inclination. Only Tommy knew for sure and then again he might not have been aware of his choices.

How do you combat this? Go to different restaurants, try different foods, take an alternate way home from work. Surprise the one you love with something totally unexpected. You might be pleased with the results as well as pleasantly astound your friends and family.

K.